Chastity

Not going to be "So Macho"

2006-03-10T11:00:00.000-08:00

Firstly I’d like to apologise for my absence in posting on the blog. I have been working on over-drive, both at home and at work and I’ve been totally exhausted. I have looked to post-up here but everytime I’ve looked at the last post, and my attempts at being macho, I’ve been too embarrassed to add anything. I have just read a lovely message from Belinda in Prague (Prague! How cool is that! Not only is it an amazing city but someone living there is taking an interest! Thanks so much Belinda! xx) which she set a little while ago and I did feel a bit guilt at not keeping you all updated.

Working extra hours at work and then getting home, having to shave, put my make-up and female clothes on, make dinner and do my chores is a real drag (no pun intended), but that’s not to say I really mind that much. Miss and I did sit down and have a long chat after my last post, and it did make me come to realise and understand certain things. I know now that is laughable for me to “be her man” because I can’t be. Allowing my masculinity to be locked away, accepting dressing as a girl but most importantly “accepting” Miss’s relationship with Chris changed how she thought and looked at me. She did admit that although she still loved me, she was not “in love” with me. I have to admit it did make me cry, but she was so soft and sensitive and we ended up cuddling into the early hours.

So the outcome?

Yes, I am still wearing the CB-3000. To be honest it’s so long since I even started to get aroused it doesn’t even feel like I could or ever did.
Yes, I am still dressing as a girl; underwear all day and full make-up, my wig, clothes and heels in the evening and at weekends.

The one positive thing is Miss is not interested in getting a new boyfriend, although she did admit if she met a guy she liked she would start seeing him. As you can imagine I have, literally, been bending over backwards to keep her happy (she is still pretty cut up and upset about Chris) and make her life as easy and fun as possible. She has taken the break-up out on me somewhat, but I suppose that’s to be expected, as we are so close. She does have Miss Catherine, but she hasn’t spent that muh time with her because Tony is one of Chris’s best friends. I do think she feels that Chris may have been scared off because of me, and she did insinuate that if I’d been “more of a man” she would never had to start seeing him in the first place. I suppose she has a point. I’m glad that it’s just us two again and I really am trying my best to make this work and keep us together.

Things have got “back to normal” so to speak, although the first Sunday after we had our heart-to-heart I was punished far more than I had before. I had my hands cuffed behind my back, as I do every Sunday when I am unlocked and cleaned. Miss came up and gave me a hug…for a moment I thought it would lead to some intimacy between us…and in a way I suppose it did. Before I knew anything about it she’d quickly raised her knee between my legs. I fell to the floor in agony, banging the side of my head on the bath. I could hardly breath, it felt like my testicles had been pushed up into my stomach and I was in a cold sweat. Miss quickly knelt next to me,

“Are you OK?” she asked with a real look of concern and worry on her face.
I tried to answer but all the breath had been knocked out of me and I could only nod.
“I’m so sorry, darling, but you know you deserved that?”
Again I could only nod.
For the rest of the day I had a dull ache in my testicles, which I suppose served as a reminder that I will never be “her man” and I had no right to even suggest it. I shan’t even be thinking of it again.

A Moonage Daydream

2006-02-24T11:30:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to let you know some good news - Kirstin and Chris have split up!!! Well he's actually left her. He didn't go up to Manchester for work, he went up to see his ex...and to cut a long story short he's decided he still loves her. I've had a warm glow all day, although Kirstin is pretty cut up about it so I shouldn't really be smiling so much and I resisted the urge to jump up and down when she told me - it's quite hard to be sympathetic about sad news when it isn't really, for me anyway.

We spent last night cuddled up in bed, her head on my chest whilst I stroked and carressed her hair. I told her he was an idiot and a fool but she did cry for over an hour, so part of me wanted to hurt him for hurting Kirstin, but another part of me was so glad it was all over. She angrily said that all men were bastards and when I pointed out that I would never cheat on her or hurt her, she looked up and me and said, "I said men." Lying there in a padded bra, knikers and a babydoll I couldn't really say anything, but I have decided that's is what I want - to be her man again.

Tonight I'm going to tell her. I'm not going to wear girls clothes or make-up anymore and I want to be released from the CB-3000. I'll still wear it, to prove my love and commitment to her, and tht not all men our cheating bastards, but I want to be released at the weekends or at least once a week. I've tried to put a brave face on everything thats happened, and I do feel we have both learnt alot already this year, but we don't really have anything more to learn from chastity, at least not permanent chastity.

We are going to be a couple again, and whilst some of it has been fun, it's not the wild and exciting fantasy people on the internet make out, I've really felt low and depressed at times, which I suppose in a way makes my mood now such a high.

Have a great weekend everyone, make it special, and tell someone you love 'em!

I really can't stop grinning! :-)

"Order is the shape upon which beauty depends." Pearl Buck

2006-02-21T10:27:00.000-08:00

It's been a week since I last looked at this blog, for two reasons; partly because I've been so busy but mainly because of some of the comments and emails I've been receiving from people who think they know what they are talking about, but have never even met me or Miss. You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, and are free even to judge me, but it is not only wrong but unacceptable to judge Miss. She is a tender, sensitive, intelligent and beautiful woman who has given me so much and taught me so much, especially within the last two months.

However I received a lovely and thoughtful message today from Anna (thank you again, Anna) which inspired me to let you know how we have been.

Of course it was St Valentines Day last Tuesday. I had intented to take Miss out to an expensive restaurant called Rosies, but Chris had already asked her out for the evening. However we agreed that we would have our Valentines Day on Wednesday - as Miss pointed out this would be even more special, because everyone else celebrated theirs on the 14th, whilst we would be the only two to celebrate on the 15th.

Miss was obviously excited about spending their St Valentines night together and left work early to get ready (she does take a year to get ready, even though she is so beautiful to start with!!!)
He'd sent her red roses to our house, which had been taken in by our neighbour. I thought we'd agreed roses were tacky, especially on Valentines day, but it appears Chris can do know wrong so she got me to put them in a glass vase next to the TV.

She had decieded to wear the short black satin dress she had worn for him before so I ironed it gently whilst she was in the shower ( it gets creased pretty easily). I helped her into her black satin basque, doing up the 12 hooks at the back, she then sat on the bed and I rolled the stockings up her soft, smooth and gorgeous legs, so she could clip them to the suspenders. In this position I had her pussy inches from my face. She usually keeps it neatly trimmed, but she had shaven herself totally clean as a Valentine suprise for Chris.
"Would you like to kiss my pussy?" she asked me gently.
"Yes Miss," I answered, almost whispering.
I leaned forward and couldn't believe she let me kiss her in her most intimate place. I must be one of the luckiest men alive. I later thought perhaps I should have done more, but it just doesn't seem to be right or something I would do now, and would certainly be disrespectful, not only to Miss, but to Chris too.
She giggled when she asked if not wearing any knickers whould be sexy or just slutty. I assured her it was most definetly sexy.
I wanted to watch her do her hair and make-up, not just because I could watch her for hours but so I could learn more, but I suppose she felt a bit self-concious at me gawping at her every move, so I was sent to watch TV after I'd zipped up the back of her dress.
I looked at the card that had come with the flowers, which says "To My Darling Kirstin...the most beautiful woman in all Christendom...All My Love, Chris xxx"
I couldn't help but think he may be a "stallion" in bed but he's hardly one of the worlds poets.
When the taxi arrived to pick her up she looked absolutely stunning. To be honest I think I was almost as excited as her, especially knowing that there was only two men in the world who would know what she had on underneath, and what she didn't have on underneath, her dress! Even though I was dressed as a girl I carried her overnight back out to the taxi for her and we had a little hug as I told her to have a great night.

We had a lovely Valentines Night together the following evening. We both dressed up, with me in a little black shift dress we had got, and both felt and looked pretty sexy.
Chris had again marked her neck a couple of times the previous evening. To be honest I don't really like it at all, and wish he wouldn't, but didn't mention anything because it would spoil our evening. It's also really nothing to do with me, but can't help feeling it's partly a message to me (or that may just be my ego).

After a three-course meal (mussels, salmon and then chocolate gateaux) which Miss adored, we gave each other our love tokens. I'd bought her a platinum and diamond necklace which I helped her put on, but I couldn't believe it when I unwrapped a beautiful black corset. It took us a while to work out how the lacing went up the back (you'd think they would do that for you) especially when the instructions were in German, but with some adjusting we got there in the end. Perhaps eating a large meal first wasn't such a good idea, and even with the lacing got spaced out I could hardly breath. Another tip is to put your stockings on first, because there was no way I could reach down, but Miss thankfully put them on for me.
It did feel good when she put her hands around my waist and gave me a long hug, telling me I looked fantastic. We went into the bedroom and I looked in the mirror to see my waste alot smaller than normal. It is quite uncomfortable but does look incredible. Even with the laces adjusted it is still quite tricky to get into, if I lay on the bed I can just about pull the steel clasps over the hooks.
We then spent the eveing watching the film "The Talented Mr. Ripley", and both agreed that Jude Law is far sexier than Matt Damon. I even admitted I thought he was "gorgeous" which made Miss laugh and me blush. I don't know what it is about him, but he does look too good to touch, but it may just be this film. I knew his name but had never seen any of his films before. Miss joked she knew what to get me for my birthday.

Chris had to go up to Manchester for the weekend, although he did call Miss on all three nights. She said she wished she'd gone with him, which I suppose I understand, but I am glad she didn't; three nights is alot different to one. So I had her to myself for the whole weekend. She had intended to go out with Catherine but it was rained off.

He's back today so she's going out with him, Catherine and Tony. This may sound funny but it doesn't really make me feel jealous at all now, just a bit lonely. Chris sounds a nice guy and they do have a great time together so why should I be jealous? She'll always come back to me.

All is good in the world. It's not the way I would have chosen things to develop between us, but we did give the "traditional" way a good go for over two years, and we are closer than ever now. No, all is good in the world. I just feel sorry for those people who have no one, and no-one to spend Valentines Day with, whichever day you choose!!!

I also notice Photobucket have deleted my photo from my profile, but I suppose it was already out-of-date anyway. Watch this space.

I've Acted Like An Idiot!

2006-02-13T12:25:00.000-08:00

When Miss got home on Thursday evening we had a long chat and I feel really stupid. Apparently she had told me she was seeing Chris on Wednesday. I honestly can’t remember her telling me, so I either didn’t hear her or was busy with my chores when she told me. I apologised for my behaviour the previous day and she told me we needed to have a talk.
“I was really scared of losing you,” she told me.
I couldn’t believe she was saying it, as that was exactly what had terrified me.
“Of course you won’t lose me,” she assured me. “I need you in my life, but I also need Chris too. Do you understand that?”
“Yes Miss,” I replied meekly.
“You really are a wonderful person. You’ve let me lock you up, and agreed to stay locked. That proves how much you love me. Chris wouldn’t do that.” She said, making me feel proud.
“You accepted dressing as a girl and Chris wouldn’t do that. And I don’t think he could boil an egg, let alone know how to use an iron!” she laughed.
“That’s why you are special to me, you do things for me that Chris would never do. But Chris does things for me that you could never. I need you, but you both give me different thing, and I want you both to be a part of my life. You shouldn’t feel threatened by Chris, because you both give me different things. Chris is a man…and well you’re not really are you?”
I felt embarrassed but also happy that she had admitted that she needed me. We both started crying and hugging each other, holding each other tight.
“I never want to lose you,” I said.
“I’ve got a little surprise for you she announced, and went over to her bag and pulled out a white padded envelope.
I opened it and found a wig wrapped-up in some fine netting. When I pulled the netting apart I was surprised and impressed by the wig. It wasn’t like what I’d imagined it to be; it looked really realistic, brown, shoulder length with blondish highlights.
“Why don’t you do your make-up and try it on?” she suggested.
I went and boiled a kettle, placed a towel over the sink and gave myself a facial sauna (this apparently opens the pores and brings out the hairs, so I can have a really close shave).
Once I’d shaved and rinse my face with cold water I started putting on my make-up. I’m still pretty rubbish with the eyeliner and lip liner, but Miss tells me it just takes time and practice.
She came into the bathroom and joked, “You’re not going for the front cover of Vogue, you know.”
“I bet you didn’t put your make-up on last night, did you?”
I had to admit I hadn’t being so moody.
“You need to wear your make-up every night, so it is perfect and becomes second nature to you.”
She helped me with the wig, which kept sticking to my face, so she got a hair band, pulled two strands of hair from the front of either side and tied them behind my head.
I looked into the mirror and was astonished at the difference it made. I really was looking more female.
Miss put her arms around my waist, cuddling me as we looked in the mirror.
“You look sooo sexy,” she whispered in my ear, making me blush, but feel so, so special.

We had a lovely night. I cooked us a delicious meal and we had a couple of bottles of wine. We were both a little drunk and Miss started to talk about Chris. She has never slept with a guy who is so passionate and with such stamina.
“Is he really pretty big?” I asked.
“What, down there?” she answered. “Mmmm.”
She held her hand out, “I guess he’s about this big…7 or 8 inches? I’ll have to measure it for you.”
We both started giggling.
“It’s the best sex I’ve ever had…and it keeps getting better. He’s sex on legs. He’s made me feels things I have never felt before, I just can’t stop thinking about him and smiling. When we make love it’s just so wonderful…he’s just so wonderful. I just love feeling him inside of me.”
She’d never been this open of honest before and it made me realise how close we were that she could share this with me.
“I told Chris what you said yesterday, and that you shouted at me and he was pretty angry, you know.” She blurted out.
“What did he say?”
“Well he just didn’t like the way you were speaking to me. He said it showed a complete lack of respect and he doesn’t want you to stick your nose into our affairs.”
“Yes Miss, I really am sorry. I promise it won’t happened again.”
“Well you should really apologise to him as well.”
I suddenly felt panicky. “I can’t meet him,” I replied. “We agreed I wouldn’t have to meet him.”
“No silly, you don’t have to meet him, but perhaps just write him a quick letter saying you’re sorry.”
We went into the kitchen and I sat down and wrote him the letter I have posted below.

Or you can see it here:
http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d19/southernslave/letter2chris.jpg

“Is that OK, will that be OK? Do you think he’ll accept it?” I asked nervously.
“I think it’s fine. I’m sure he will. He’s not a bad guy, you know. You might actually get on, you two.” She said smiling.

“To be honest…” she paused looking me in the eye, “I think I’m falling in love with him.”
My face must have dropped because she quickly added, “I still love you, sweetheart, but it’s in a different way to Chris. I can’t really explain.”

Later she sent me to bed because she was feeling quite horny. It suddenly dawned on me that I had never ever actually seen her masturbating. I had asked her a few times when we were first together, and bought her vibrator but she’d always told me she was too shy, and felt too vulnerable to do it with me in the room. It was probably just an excuse to myself but I went to the toilet and walking back I noticed the lounge door wasn’t fully closed. I crept up to it and could hear her gasping and gently moaning, which made me smile. For the first time in weeks I felt a stirring between my legs. The sounds she was making and the knowledge she was playing with herself was exciting me and I was actually starting to get an erection. Even though I could feel the Points Of Intrigue on my CB-3000 starting to dig into me I couldn’t stop listening. I thought about quickly looking round the door, but knew she’d go ballistic if she saw me, and the pain from the CB-3000 started to really hurt so I quietly went back to bed.

When she came to bed I knew I shouldn’t say anything, but I knew that I had to.
“Miss, I know we both agreed that chastity was important in our relationship…but, well I do miss the intimacy that we had when we use to make love. I’ve never felt as close to anyone as then.”
“Tiny,” she sighed, “Just when things seem to straighten themselves and we are getting on better than ever, you have to say something like that. Do you really want to ruin things between us?”
“No, of course not…” I answered, but she cut me off.
“And I don’t think Chris would be too impressed would he? What if I told him? Do you think he’d be happy that I was cheating on him?”
“I’m sorry, I know it as a stupid thing to say. I’m really sorry.”
“OK, but I think we should both go to sleep and forget about it, alright?”
“Yes Miss.”

On Friday night we were just finishing dinner when the phone went. It was my Mum, asking if we could go round for Sunday lunch. I held my hand over the receiver and asked Miss if she fancied it.
“Oh I can’t. I’m seeing Chris on Saturday night and I sort of promised I’d cook him a roast on Sunday. I don’t think his kitchens ever been used, apart from the microwave. But why don’t you go, you haven’t seen you Mum since before Christmas.”
“Hi Mum, yes I can come but Kirstin is having dinner with a friend…Yes, I’ll be there a One. OK.”

On Saturday Miss left at about 6 to see Chris. It was completely different to Wednesday night. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and I said, “Have a good night, Miss.”
“You too. Be a good boy.”
It still felt a bit funny and even though I spent most of the night watching a film, I did feel a bit on my own.

Sunday was uneventful. My Mother cooks a great Sunday Roast and it was nice to see her. She did ask after ‘Kirstin’ and where she was, which was a little embarrassing but I just told her she was having lunch with her friend Catherine.
When I got home Miss was already there but she went to bed for a couple of hours in the evening. And thank god Chris had accepted my apology.
“You’ve got him well trained,” he apparently told Miss.
“Of course I have, what else would you expect.

Our relationship has changed so much in the last few weeks, but we’ve come through it and are still together. I feel so proud to be with Miss, even if things aren’t the same as they use to be. But love is an ever changing and many splendoured thing. And we our lucky to have it.

Letter of Apology to Chris - see above post

2006-02-13T12:05:00.000-08:00

2006-02-09T11:02:00.000-08:00

The shit hit the fan in a big way last night. I usually get home before Kirstin but she was already home when I got in.
“Oh hello Miss, you’re early.” I said in surprise. I then noticed she had her overnight bag in her hand.
“I can’t stop now, we’re all meeting up at 8.” She replied, putting her jacket on.
“Who’s we?” I asked.
“Me, Chris, Cath and Tony, we’re going to the cinema.”
“And your bag?”
“Oh, I’m staying over at Chris’s tonight, it just seems easier. I did leave you a note.” She said matter-of-factly.
“What do you mean, you’re staying at Chris’s, you only saw him a couple of days ago. I thought we agreed it would only be once a week.?” I replied, starting to get angry and anxious.
“We never agreed that…and besides I haven’t seen him since Friday.”
“Erm, he was fucking fucking you on Saturday morning,” I replied angrily.
“Well maybe that’s because you can’t. “ she said.
“Only because I’m locked up.””Well you agreed to it, and you agreed to me seeing Chris.” She responded with an element of contempt in her voice.
“I didn’t agree to it…to any of it. You asked me to…no TOLD me.”
“Look, I really am late, and I’m glad I’m going out if you’re going to be in such a foul mood, and behave so rudely.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I replied, “Look can we just talk about this.”
“I’ll maybe see you tomorrow night, OK?” came her reply and with that she picked up her bag and left.
I did think about trying to stop her, but she was pretty determined and she had a look in her eye that frankly scared me a bit.
I was furious, especially when I found her note on the kitchen table:

Tiny,
Staying at Chris’s tonight, see you tomorrow.
Can you iron my work shirts?
Miss xx

Is that all I deserved. If I hadn’t got home when I did that’s all I’d have had. I’ve done everything she’s asked. It’s not been easy and at times it has really hurt, but the least I deserve is a bit of respect and thoughtfulness in return. As someone commented, it isn't really compromise if it's only me making it. I can’t believe she’s been so … well horrible. I tried to call her mobile but she was either out of battery or had it turned off, even after the film must have finished.

I didn’t get much sleep I was so angry. I’m also really itching on my legs and “other” areas where my hair is starting to grow back. She probably doesn’t even give a fuck, although she’s probably getting one.

I’ve been so angry all day I tried to call her at work, but the reception said she’d called in sick!!! If she doesn’t come home tonight that’s it, I’m going to ask her to leave. Perhaps some of you were right.

Hair today...

2006-02-07T03:15:00.000-08:00

These are some of the photos from last Wednesday.

Tiny x

The Weekend

2006-02-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

Well it was a long old weekend. Miss went out on her date with Chris and once I'd finished my chores I settled down to watch the TV.

At 11pm Kirstin called to see if I was OK and then told me she'd be staying over at Chris' flat. I hadn't expected that and she must still have been at the party because we could hardly hear each other, so I just said "OK" and the phone went dead. It seems just when I feel I'm beginning to accept things something comes up that throws me totally off course. It took 20 minutes before I decided to phone her back and ask her to come home if she could. Twice I started dialling the number and twice I hang up. However on the third attempt I decided I had to call her, but her battery must have run out because her mobile went straight to voicemail.

I went to bed but just kept tossing and turning. The bed seemed so cold and empty without her.

I had just finished breakfast on Saturday morning and was just cleaning the kitchen when Miss got home...with another love-bite on her neck.
"That'll get them gossiping at work," she told me. "It was pretty much all they talked about last week."
"What did you say?" I asked in a panic.
"Well I couldn't tell them about Chris, could I? So they now all thing you're a stallion! How funny's that?"
I blushed and then asked her what had happened last night.
"Oh, you can guess. Chris has asked me not to talk to you about me and him."
I felt deflated. Just as I thought we were getting closer again I seemed to be being pushed out...again.
Miss could see my disappointment so she suggested we had another "girlie night in" and announced we were going into town shopping.
Usually traipsing around a load of shops would have been boring, but because we were also shopping for clothes for me it added excitment to an otherwise tedious Saturday afternoon.
We both got some new knickers and we also bought a floaty black top and black mini-skirt for me. I was a bit horrified when she suggested I tried them on in the shop, but then giggled at the look on my face and told me she was only joking.
We looked around a few shoe shops and then came across some black high heels. I don't know how high they actually were but there was no way I'd be able to walk in them.
"Nonsense, if girls can do it so can you. It just takes a bit of practice.
We looked everywhere for a wig but couldn't find one so Miss said she'd look on the internet at work for one.

We had a great evening messing about, Miss teaching me how to apply my make-up but she didn't mention Chris at all, which surpised me. I can't explain it; I don't want to even think about him, but at the same time it's always in the back of my mind.

On Sunday morning Miss inisted a put my new clothes and make-up on. I had a bit of a headache from the wine we had drunk the night before, but she told me women didn't have a choice so neither should I. I reluctantly agreed but didn't feel in the least "sexy".

So today I am back at work and outwardly am a man again. Sorry if my weekend sounds a bit boring.

2006-02-03T09:20:00.000-08:00

Firstly I was astonished to realise I've been in chastity for over a month, it certainly doesn't feel that long. I actually feel the CB-3000 is now part of who I am.

When Miss got home on Wednesday evening she told me she had a surpise for me and handed me a bag containing shaving cream, a pack of disposable razors and some moisturisng cream.
"You look a bit silly wearing stockings with hairy legs." she told me, which I couldn't deny.
I went and ran a bath and Miss came in and unlocked me. This was the first bath I'd had this year, as I can only take showers because of the padlock on the CB-3000.

It took nearly an hour to shave my legs, stomach, chest and under my arms, and I was pleased I only cut myself once, just above my left ankle. Miss must have taken 100 pictures because she wanted to have a record of my "transformation". (I'll try to post up some of the pics in the next couple of days. I looked at the pile of hair on the side of the bath, it looked like a small hamster sat there!

Once I'd got out of the bath and dried myself I asked Miss to lock me back into the CB-3000. Not just to please her, but it was the longest I'd been unlocked for and I felt vunerable and naked without it.

A shiver went up my spine as a slipped my stockings back on. I couldn't believe how smooth and sensitive my bare legs were. Once I'd put my underwear back on Miss asked me to do a swirl, and I blushed when she told me I looked sexy and very pretty. I have to admit I did feel sexy with my bare legs encased in nylon.

Miss had a brainwave and suggested we should have a "girls night in", which she explained would entail painting each others toe nails, experimenting with make-up, talking about boys and the like. I wasn't sure what I could say about boys, not being that way enclined, but I was intrigued and agreed.

Miss applied a clear varnish to my toe nails and while it was drying I painted her toe nails. She'd opened a bottle of wine so we sipped that whilst our toe nails dried (it takes an age). Then Miss painted my toe nails with a red varnish, it looked and felt odd looking at my red toe nails, but not in a bad way.

I've never worn make up before and watched closely as she applied a foundation cream and a pinky powder to my face. I looked like a ghost but then Miss added some blusher and I looked a little more alive. I was a bit worried about the eye make-up as I have a thing about my eyes, but once the eyeliner, mascara and powder was applied I blinked as I looked into the mirror. Lastly she used a lip liner and then filled it in with lipstick. Apart from my short hair I looked like a completely different person...like a woman!

Over the course of the evening we talked about Chris. I asked if they'd used a condom and was shocked when Miss replied "No..."
"We used three."
I was concerned because she'd said he was big and was worried he'd spilt them when he was inside her, but she told me he'd actually taken her three times.
"He came three times...in one night?" I said in disbelief.
"No, four times, but the second time was when I gave him a BJ."
Miss had only ever given me a blow job a couple of times, when we first started dating and I honestly didn't think she liked them.
"Yes but he's so big and beautiful I couldn't resist." was all she said.

It felt odd talking about Chris like this, but I wasn't at all jealous. Miss was sharing her intimate secrets with me and it just felt right. I really don't know how else to explain it, but it felt for the first time like I was involved or connected to Miss again. I also realised that there was no way on earth I could compare or compete with Chris is the bedroom.

She asked me if there was any guys I fancied and I quickly replied ,"No."
"Not anyone," she siad disappointedly and ran through a list of famous guys; David Beckham, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp. I could honestly say none of them did a single thing for me. Miss went out of the room and came back with a magazine.
"Have a look through that and see if anything takes your fancy."
I flicked though the pages. A couple of the female models "took my fancy", but I knew that's not what she meant. And then I came across a full page advert for Mens Armani Briefs. The young guy had a floppy fringe, angular jaw and a body that could only be achieved with regular work outs. My eyes fell to his briefs and the manly bulge.
"Oh you like him, don't you," Miss teased me.
I tried to deny it but she kept on teasing me until I admitted there was 'something about him'.

It was 1am when Miss announced it was time for bed. I went to wash my make-up off and when I came back into the bedroom Miss was already in her pyjamas. I know it sounds foolish now but as I got into bed I leant over to kiss her. She put a finger to my lips and said, "Don't ruin it."
She did however let me snuggle up beside her, like two warm, snug spoons. I felt happy and secure for the first time in weeks, the warmth of her body next to mine.

I'm still a bit nervous and jittery about tonight, Miss and Chris are going to a party, but the anger I felt last week has gone. If anything Miss is more nervous about tonight that I am, even though I tried to assure her she'd have a great time.

2006-02-01T11:22:00.000-08:00

Miss is in a far better mood…Chris phoned last night. The phone went just before 9pm. When I answered it he asked for Kirstin and when I asked who it was and he told me it was Chris I started to stutter and stumble my words, he must think I’m a right idiot. I called Miss and when I told her it was Chris she almost ripped the phone from my hand!

“Hi Chris…yes that was Tiny,” she said with a giggle, a big smile on her face. “Oh he always call me Miss.”
She put her hand over the receiver and said, “Do you mind?”

I went into the bedroom for a few moments but couldn’t resist sneaking back to listen in. Unfortunately I could only here the faint mumur of Miss’s voice and an occasional laugh, so I went back and sat on the bed.
About 20 minutes later Miss came into the bedroom.

“Oh I’m so glad Chris called, I was beginning to get worried. You were right though he does like me.”
“Are you seeing him again?” I asked
“Yep. His friend is having a house party of Friday night. So I’ll actually get to meet some of his friends.”
She looked at me and said, “Don’t be sad. It’s only one night. This will probably only last a few weeks anyway. Let me have my fun.”
“No, it’s OK.” I assured her.

Today as I thought about it all the whole range of emotions and nerves I felt last week came flooding back. I know I’ll get use to it but it’s a hard and weird thing to adjust to.

One think I do know, Miss looks so much more beautiful when she’s smiling.

Note: Please, please, please can some of you stop talking about “abusive” relationships, leaving Miss etc. This is the woman I love and care about more than anything in the world. Love is about compromise and all relationships have hard times and rocky patches. I’ve made a commitment to put her feelings and needs first and I’m not about to go back on that or jeapordise our relationship. Not all relationships fit into the traditional, conservative bracket.

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead - Bertrand Russell

2006-01-31T11:12:00.002-08:00

I feel a little better about things today because we had a long talk last night. Despite what some have said she is NOT going to leave me. Yes she likes Chris and she had a great time with him but, as she pointed out it was me she came home to. I do feel a little like I puppet on a string though.

So this was the weekend…

Saturday

Miss had an appointment at the hairdressers in the afternoon and looked fantastic. She’d also bought a little black satin dress and took it into the bedroom to get changed. Although I was suppose to be cleaning the kitchen I couldn’t resist going and ‘checking’ on her. She was sat on the bed in her dressing gown and I noticed the black satin basque I’d bought her lying on the bed. Her birthday is at the beginning of May and she’d only worn it for me once saying she had to be “in the right mood” and it wasn’t very comfortable.

“You’re not wearing that are you, Miss” I asked a bit put out that she was considering wearing it for this guy we hardly knew.

“Well it goes with my new dress.” Was all she replied.

It did have an advantage because I have to help her put it on. And as she took her dressing gown off and turned her back to me I got a glimpse of the side of her breast. She has smallish B cup breasts but they are a perfect shape.

As I did the hooks up the back for her I wondered what sort of mad sadist deigns women’s clothes. I hadn’t even spent a week in lingerie and it is so uncomfortable I hate it; it cuts into you and needs adjusting constantly.

Miss then sent me from the room whilst she finished getting ready. Usually it takes her an age to get ready, but as she’d already decided what to wear, and had her hair done I figured we’d have a couple of hours together before she left for the evening. Wrong. Almost an hour later I knocked on the bedroom door and opened it. She was STILL doing her make-up and back in her dressing gown. She told me to go away.

She had a taxi booked or 7.30pm and the doorbell went just after and she called to me to let him know she’d be there in a minute. I opened the door a little and called out “Be there in a minute”.
When she came into the front room she looked absolutely stunning and elegant. The dress was low cut and mid-thigh length so she was showing some but not too much leg. I knew that like me she was wearing stockings, but for entirely different reasons - hers were to excite, mine were to embarass and humiliate. They were both working.

It suddenly hit me that she’d gone to all this effort for another man, not for me. I knew I couldn’t just let her leave.

“Please, don’t go.” I pleaded. “I can cook us a nice meal and we can stay in tonight.”
“Don’t be silly, you know I’ve been looking forward to this all week.” She replied. “And I can’t let Cath and Tony down after going to all the effort of inviting us round for a meal.”
“But I don’t want you to go, please” I said taking hold of her hand.

She pulled her hand away, “Well I want to go. Look you agreed to this and it’s going to happen whatever you say.”

Just then the taxi driver sounded his horn.

“Look I’m already late. I’ll see you later, OK?”

She opened the door and just before closing it turned round and said “It’ll be alright, I promise you. Don’t wait up.”

She was gone. I pulled the curtain aside and watched her get into the taxi and get driven away.

I did some washing and ironing and settled down to watch the TV but couldn’t really concentrate. All I could think about was Miss sitting down to dinner with Catherine, Tony and Chris; laughing and flirting and enjoying herself whilst I was sat here in front of the TV. I was sure they’d be laughing at my expense and I started to get pretty upset thinking about what they be saying. I already knew Tony’s opinion of me.

I went to bed at about 2 – Miss still wasn’t home and my mind was going into overdrive and I could only imagine what was happening. I tried to sleep but my mind just kept turning over and over. Would she be kissing him…or worse still?!

It was almost four when I heard her come in and go straight to the bathroom. I heard the shower and about 20 minutes later the bedroom door quietly open. I was going to pretend to be asleep but I wanted to speak to her, to make sure she was OK, to make sure we were OK.

“Hello,” is all I could think to say (genius I know).
“Are you still awake?” Miss answered, yawning.
She slipped her dressing gown off and climbed into bed.
“I was worried about you, are you OK?”
“I’m more than OK, I’m great, but I’m really tired.”

I noticed a mark on her neck and realised she had a love bite. Even early in our relationship she’d always stopped me giving her love bites saying they looked cheap and tarty and now she had one on her neck.

“Did he bite you, oh god and you sure you’re OK?”

“Oh these she said,” moving the collar on her pyjama top to show she actually had two.

“We got so carried away I didn’t even realise he was doing it.” She said with a giggled before leaning over and turning off the bedside light.

I moved closer to cuddle into me but she gently pushed me away.
“I’m exhausted, can we just sleep?” she asked.
“I just need to know, did he…” I trail off, feeling embarrassed and stupid.
“Did we sleep together? Is that what you want to know? Yes we did…well we didn’t sleep but you know what I mean.”

I could help myself and started to sob, even though I was biting my lip and trying to stop.

I heard her sigh in exasperation and the table lamp came back on.

“Look what did you expect? Chris and I slept together. You must have known it was going to happen.”
“I thought you were just teasing me…and you hardly know him.”
“I know him a lot better now,” she said sarcastically. “And this isn’t about you, when will you understand that?”
“I’m sorry, it’s just that I love you so much. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not going to lose me, silly boy,” she replied, sitting up. “Look, come here.”

She pulled me into the pit of her arm and opened. “Would you like a suckle.”
It was something we’d always loved doing in the past; me lying on her arm, gently sucking and suckling on her breast and I couldn’t believe she’d actually offered.

“Be careful my nipples are a bit sore.”

Miss actually had another love bite just above her nipple but I didn’t say anything and just gently took her nipple into my mouth.

“I may have slept with Chris, but I came home to you. I need you just as much as you need me. So put all this silly thoughts out of your head.”

We stayed like that for some time, silent, enjoying the warmth and tenderness of each other’s bodies, before Miss said we should go to sleep now.

To be honest my mind had been working over time and I was as worn out as her.

Sunday

I woke early and decided to surprise her with breakfast in bed. When I took the tray in she’d just woken and I sat on the bed and told her how beautiful she was. She smiled, “Even with my love bites, or despite them?”

“Even with them,” I replied.

Later that day I had my hands cuffed behind my back for my weekly clean. Once Miss had soaped me down and cleaned me she commented on the fact that again this week I hadn’t “tried to get hard”.

“It’s funny it looks even smaller now, compared to Chris’s.”

I blushed and apologised, knowing she was enjoying teasing me. It felt odd and made me feel naked without the CB-3000. It’s actually feels part of me now. It may sound mad but I’m proud of it, proud that I belong to Miss. I couldn’t deny she was a lot happier today than she’d been in a while. It was almost like having the old Kirstin back, and even though she made a couple more comments during the day about Chris I tried not to let them get to me. After all she HAD come home to me.

Monday

When I got home Miss was in a bad mood. She’d had a bad day at work and despite promising her, Chris still hadn’t called. She admitted they’d arranged to go out this Friday but now it was looking doubtful. This may sound crazy but it made me angry. I was angry at him for sleeping with Miss, but also for not phoning her. I could feel the rejection she was feeling. He’s obviously a total wanker and she deserves more respect than that.

I told her he must be a fool or mad; she is the most beautiful and wonderful woman. She just changed to subject.

It almost seemed like she was angry at me. Perhaps he hadn’t called because of me, and if I were “more of a man” she wouldn’t have had to see him anyway. Maybe I’m just being paranoid but it just kept nagging in the back of my brain.

Sorry for rambling on. I hope this all makes some kind of sense. I’ll try to answer all the emails I’ve had over the last few days (well the nice ones anyway, not sure what guys get out of sending me some of that stuff) it’s just I’ve not being feeling like talking/writing to people. So sorry for that, too.

2006-01-30T10:46:00.000-08:00

Well it’s happened; Miss slept with this Chris guy on Saturday. I don’t know what to say or how I feel. I’m stunned and shocked and devastated. I don’t know what to say. Sorry.

In Honour Of Beauty

2006-01-27T10:31:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for your kind words and messages. I would like to point out that if Miss K sounds mean then that must be my fault for the way I've portrayed her. She really is a beautiful and wonderful person. She was right when she said I would get use to chastity so much so that I hardly notice I am wearing it. My libido has dropped of to the extend that I don’t even start to get hard now so the Points Of Intrigue are pretty redundant.

I do trust her when she says that I'll get use to being a cuckold, and like most of the guys who’ve I spoken to on the net maybe even get to like or enjoy it, I’m not quite sure about that though she certainly is a lot happy now. And she is not being selfish in wanting her needs fulfilled, it is I who would be selfish denying them. She may be strong willed but she certainly isn't a bitch, I promise.

I've started studying Tao, putting Miss Kirstin's feelings first and realising that society trains men to express emotion and sexuality through their genitals, not their whole body and mind. Miss has pointed out that jealousy is not an attractive or positive emotion, and whilst she knows that I love her this is for the best – for both of us. I am certainly not the arrogant wanker I was a month ago. It will make our relationship stronger and bring us closer together (I hope!)

It's not an easy path to travel, and I can't deny I am scared, but I hope that Miss K and I will travel it together.

Tiny x

2006-01-26T10:59:00.000-08:00

It’ll come as no surprise that I’ve been feeling quite low for he last couple of days. On Tuesday evening I’d just got in from work when the phone went.
“Hi Tiny, it’s Miss Catherine, is your Mistress in?”
“No, sorry Miss,” I replied, “She’s still at work.”
“Oh, can you let her know I’ve called. I’ve spoken to Chris and he’s fine for dinner on Saturday. In fact he’s really looking forward to it.” I could tell she was really enjoying rubbing my nose in it. When Miss K got home I told her the “good news” and she actually gave me a big hug saying “Isn’t it exciting”.
To be honest one of the main reasons I’d agreed to become a cuckold is because I didn’t actually think she’d go through with it. I still think this might be some big wind-up, now involving Catherine too. That hope seems to be fading.
Miss got me to open a bottle of white wine and then called Catherine back. They spent an hour talking about Saturday, about Chris and even I got a mention. Apparently when Catherine told Tony about my new status and the chastity unit he said he always thought I’d been “a pathetic wimp” anyway. Nothing like the support of your mates, eh?
The other bizarre turn of events occurred on Tuesday morning when I went to get a clean pair of shorts out of my draw. I hinted at it in my last post but I’m still embarrassed about it. In fact I’m becoming to wonder if Miss is actually trying to get me to snap. My boxers had disappeared and she has replaced them with female underwear – a couple of thongs, bra and suspender belts in either black or white. I told her to stop messing about but she said I’d look pretty and sexy in ‘my’ new undies. I didn’t and I still don’t – I look absolutely ridiculous, like an extra on the Rocky Horror. Hairy legs and stockings is never a winning look.Thankfully even the white bra showed under my shirt so Miss didn’t press me to wear it to work.
It has given me an insight as to how uncomfortable and even painful women’s clothing is. Why choose to wear a pair of pants that cuts you in half?
Miss claims to have thrown my boxers away, but as she’d actually bought me two expensive pairs of Calvin Kleins for Christmas she must think I’m either stupid or gullible. It’s no wonder I’m majorily pissed off at the moment.

Stranger and stranger...

2006-01-24T11:03:00.000-08:00

Well it was an odd start to the day following an odd night last night. Won’t really go into what happened this morning because I’m still quite embarrassed about it, but just want to say women’s underwear very uncomfortable, it’s not designed for men especially those in a chastity unit.

I got home last night, undressed and put my collar on, determined to make Miss happy with my behaviour after we had our heart-to-heart on Sunday. When she got home I was just beginning to prepare dinner.
“I’ve got a little surprise for you.” She announced.
My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. She’s very beautiful and very sexy but surely she hadn’t found a beau so quickly. Thankfully it wasn’t quite that bad.
“I let slip to Catherine about your locked status and she’s coming to dinner to see for her self.”
Not as bad as becoming a cuckold but still a shock.
“I thought…well…that this was between us?” I asked/implored.
“Oh don’t be silly Tiny. It’s only Cath and she won’t tell anyone.” Miss reassured me.

When the doorbell went my heart was pounding so heart I thought it would burst out like the scene from Alien. I heard Catherine’s voice and then the kitchen door opened, followed by a fit of giggles, from both Catherine and Miss.
“Oh! My! God!” Catherine started, “What have you done to him?”
“What, Tiny? He’s all locked-up like a good little boy. Isn’t that right Tony?” Miss asked.
“Yes Miss,” I replied meekly, feeling my cheeks burning in embarrassment.
“Miss? You have got him well trained. Would he call me Miss as well.” Catherine asked, still giggling.
“Tiny?” Miss asked.
“Yes Miss,” I again replied, but this time to Catherine.
Catherine moved closer to have a look at my cock cage.
“Can I touch it?” she asked Miss.
“Go ahead, give it a good tug.”
“He really is all locked-up, isn’t he?” Catherine said, pulling and twisting the CB-3000.
I made dinner for them and returned to the kitchen to eat my own, and then spent the rest of the evening serving them wine, or sat on the floor next to the sofa as they chatted. At one point Catherine asked, “So how often is ‘Tiny’ let out of his plastic willy thing then?”
“Let out? Oh he isn’t.” came the reply.
“What not at all? How long as he been locked-up then?”
“Well remember New Years Eve? Whilst you were seeing it in we were upstairs in the bathroom locking him in.”
“Oh my god! That’s incredible. So don’t you miss…well…sex.” Catherine asked Miss.
“Well I’ve been using my trusty plastic friend so far, but Tiny and I have decided I should start seeing other guys. Isn’t that right Tiny?”
“Yes Miss” I again answered meekly.
Miss then went on to list all my inadequacies, which made Catherine laugh out loud till she started to choke.
“As it happens,” Catherine said excitedly, “Tony’s (her partner) mate Chris has just spilt-up with his girlfriend. Do you remember him from the party, did most of the Djing?”
“Oh yes, so he’s single now then?”
“Tell you what,” Catherine continued, “I’ll give him a call tomorrow and see if he’s free for a meal at the weekend. Tony’s free for the first Saturday in ages, we could make it a cosy little foursome.”
My heart had already sank, but when Miss agreed, adding it was a great idea, I just wanted to die.

I helped Catherine into her coat as she was leaving, and she turned to Miss, “Oh I’ve got that magazine in he car. I’ll just go and fetch it for you.”
“Don’t be silly, Tiny will go with you and get it.” Miss said.
The next thing I know I was out on the freezing pavement following Catherine to her car, still naked. Thankfully she was only parked five cars down but I was terrified looking up and down the street – thankfully it was late and the street was empty. I stepped in a puddle as we got to her car so my feet were now wet as well as cold.
“I think it’s a little odd what you two are up to, but Kirstin seems happy than I’ve seen her in ages.” She told me, whilst I just wanted to scream GET THE MAGAZINE YOU STUPID BITCH!
Once she’d found her car keys and opened the door I was desperate, worried that someone would turn the corner and start walking up the street.
She handed me the magazine and slapped me on my left buttock.
“There you go Tiny, be a good little boy.” She said with a huge grin on her face.
“Thank you Miss” I replied before rushing back to the house as quickly as possible, my heart racing and my body shaking – from both the cold and from fear.
I was glad Miss sent me to bed, after getting me to fetch her “little plastic friend”.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer / The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…

2006-01-23T09:05:00.000-08:00

Kirstin got back from staying with her parents last night. She’d decided to spend the weekend with them so we both had a chance to clear our heads. Thankfully she seemed relaxed and happy, which calmed me a bit as I’ve been on edge and unable to sleep since she left on Saturday morning. My heart sunk when she told me we needed to sit down and talk, but she was smiling and took my hand encouraging me to sit next to her on the sofa, instead of next to it like before. However, things started off with the worst thing I could hear.

“I’m sorry darling, but I still want to start seeing other people. It’s just what I need to do.” She said slowly, pausing to let it sink in. “You’re a wonderful person and I love the way you’re trying your best, but let’s be honest … you don’t really make the grade in the bedroom. It’s not just your size, but you’ve always suffered from premature ejaculation and…well…you’re TOO sensitive… I want a man to take me, fuck me, not spend ages kneeling between my thighs worrying about making me come. I don’t want to leave you but that’s the only other option.”

I burst into tears and she took me in her arms and reassured me, through my sobs, that she wouldn’t leave me if I agreed to this one thing and that in time I would get use to our new relationship. We spoke for hours, holding hands, our fingers entwined, with me trying every other permutation to get around this. I would become more dominant in bed, we could get viagra or delay spray or a strap-on. It seemed like she had thought it all through and had an answer for everything. She certainly didn’t want me using a strap-on on her – not when she could “get the real thing.” I asked how I could prove I loved her if we couldn’t make love together? She simply said that wearing the CB-3000 was not only proof that I loved her, but that she also owned me. Once I was sure she really did want to stay with me and this would be something totally outside of our relationship I reluctantly accepted her right to see other people. It’s the hardest decision of my life I knew I couldn’t live without her so we did agree I would become a cuckold but on certain conditions.

1/ I would not have to meet her lovers. The whole idea horrifies me.
2/ She would not be sleeping around like a whore. It will be monogamous relationships with just one guy at a time.
3/ She would be totally discreet. Neither of us want our friends, family, neighbours or work colleagues to know. “I don’t want people to think I’m a slut or using you.”
4/ She would always use condoms unless she started “going steady” with a guy.

I know these conditions may not sound a lot but it did make me feel like I still had some say and control over the situation.

It was gone four before we finally went to bed, talking about all sorts of things; when we were kids, old boyfriends and girlfriends, funny memories. We hadn’t talked like this since we first met. I suddenly realised that perhaps Kirstin was right, this could bring us closer together and deepen and strengthen our relationship. We went to bed and snuggled up together. Kirstin actually started to kiss me deeply, her tongue invading and exploring my mouth, her hands gently caressing me, I was in seventh heaven until I moan in pain as I started to get excited for the first time in a couple of weeks and remembered the POI fitted to my CB-3000. Points of Intrigue? More like Points of Hell!!!

“Goodnight Tiny,” she said with a giggle, patting my groin and turned the table lamp off. We lay there cuddled up like two spoons and I felt safe and warm lying next to the most amazing and beautiful woman on the planet. I know this isn’t going to be easy, but living without her would be impossible. I can’t deny I’m scared…but at the same time somehow excited that we have a future together, however unorthodox.

Thank you for all your kind messages. They have helped me to see things from different perspectives and try to understand what is happening. But if I can’t spend a weekend without her how would I cope without her for a lifetime?

PICTURES
I’ve had quite a few requests for photos. We have some on K’s camera and as soon as I can borrow it whilst she’s out I’ll put some up here for you. (I’m afraid I’m a bit in the dark ages when it comes to cameras.)

???

2006-01-20T10:33:00.000-08:00

Going to keep this short because I’m frankly not in too good a mood. Got a text from Kirstin last night saying she’d was spending the evening at Cath & Tony’s. Heard her come in at after 11.50pm, go in the kitchen and the bathroom and then things went quite. I waited for about 20 minutes and she still hadn’t come into the bedroom. I figured it was about time to talk, but she wasn’t in the lounge, although her coat was hanging by the door. I went and popped my head round the door of the spare bedroom and made out the shape of her in the bed. Not sure if she was really asleep or pretending, but the fact she hadn’t even mentioned sleeping alone made me angry and sad at the same time, so I quietly shut the door and went back to bed.

When I got up in the morning she’d already gone to work (2 hours earlier than normal!).

I’ve no idea what’s going on.

Falling Apart...

2006-01-19T11:00:00.000-08:00

I’m still a bit shaky after the events of last night. I eat dinner alone because Miss was working late bit I ensured the place was tidy before she got home. She didn’t boss me about or order me to do any chores and let me sit next to the sofa and watch TV (some truly appalling film with Van Kilmer as a blind man).
When we went to bed Miss allowed me to snuggle up and then started asking me about my feelings about being locked up. To be honest I am starting to get used to wearing it, and realised I haven’t had an erection for over a week – well obviously not for 19 days, but I haven’t even been slightly aroused, my cock seems to have shrunk slightly and is just dormant, almost like it’s hibernating. May sound odd but in away it’s quite a relief because the POI don’t dig into me so much and I can’t really feel them. I also confessed the CB-3000 now feels almost a part of me. I know it’s on, I see it most of the time in the evenings/weekend and I’ve began to feel it is a sign and proof of my love and commitment to Miss. I actually feel proud that I now “belong” to Miss.
She was delighted. I even got a small kiss on the cheek!
“Good, she said, I’d noticed you didn’t seem to be getting excited so much, not even when I cleaned you on Sunday.”
After a slight pause she added, “Which is why I was thinking perhaps you should remain locked…permanently?”
I don’t know how or why but I simply replied, “If that’s what you want…”
As soon as I said it my heart began to sink. I’m not ready for this to get so serious, I thought. I reassured myself that she couldn’t be serious and was just teasing me.
However what she said next really began to terrify and worry me.
“I was also thinking that … well if you’re kept locked … I should take a lover.”
“No way,” I replied, “What the fuck are you talking about, I’m not letting you shag someone else.”
“You’re not letting me?” she mocked. “You’re not letting me? That’s a joke. I don’t think you’re in any position to tell me what to do or stop me.”
She thought for a second before continuing.
“Look, you’re now chaste, right?” I cautiously agreed.
“And to be honest you were never that much of a lover were you?”
I was dumbfounded. When you’ve lived with someone for almost a year and never even heard so much of a word of complaint you wonder where all this is coming from.
“Well you are on the small side ‘down there’ and have always finished before most guys have got started.”
I couldn’t belief I was hearing all this shit, but there is NO WAY she is sleeping around. This little game has to stop.
“Well you’re just been selfish, something else you’ve always been. I have needs and desires.” She replied, "And I need a man."
She pushed me away, turned over and turned off the light.
“Can you please just think about it?” she asked snottily.
I didn’t answer. Part of me was (and still is) fuming, part of me is scared and part of me is jealous as hell of the thought of another guy fucking my woman. It’s simply not going to happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We didn’t speak at all this morning; she certainly wasn’t getting breakfast in bed.

In Sickness and In Health…

2006-01-18T10:16:00.000-08:00

Firstly I have to apologise for not being able to update the blog for a few days. After Miss told her friend Catherine I was ill (because I didn’t deserve to go to the concert) and I actually did become ill on Monday and Tuesday. They say you shouldn’t tempt fate by feigning illness and there could be some truth in it. Miss joked that perhaps she’ll tell Cath I’m impotent just to see what happens. It wasn’t just because I felt so washed out that I didn’t find it AT ALL funny. So, thought you’d like to know a little of my weekend…

Friday Evening
When I got home there was a package waiting outside the door for Miss. Like anyone I couldn’t resist having a feel of it. It felt like a collar – which is odd because I already have one that I now have to put on as soon as I get home. This sounds really stupid now but I pictured Miss wearing it, attaching a chain between our collars whilst we fucked like crazy. It was not. When Miss got home she ripped open the package and it was a steel collar, lined with leather, with a small silver padlock. Hasten to say I was ordered to remove my leather collar and Miss fitted it round my neck immediately.
Miss announced she also had another “present” for me, a nail brush … to clean the kitchen floor with. As Miss was now going to the concert with Catherine she wanted me to “keep busy and keep out of trouble”. I’m not quite sure what “trouble” I could get in wearing my cock cage and locked in a steel collar!!!
At about 11.30pm the phone rang.
“We’ve had an excellent time, and I’m going to stay at Cath and Tony’s (her boyfriends) tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.” Kirstin announced “Hope that kitchen floor is gleaming!”
I assured her it certainly was – my knees and arms wearing aching and I was absolutely nackered. Try cleaning the floor with a nail brush if you don’t believe me.

Saturday
When Miss got home in the morning she told me to clear everything out of the Kitchen cupboards, and clean them all all of their contents. Great, she didn’t even comment on how lean the floor was.
I asked her how the night had gone.
“It was brilliant. We went to the bar near the venue first and were having a quiet drink when these two guys came over,” she told me with a giggle.
I threw her a worried glance, but she assured me they were both “total wankers”. Kirstin and Cath had let them buy a few drinks for them, before excusing themselves for the “little girls room”. They walked straight passed the loos and left the pub. Still the thought of a guy chatting Kirstin up made me angry.
I spent most of the rest of the afternoon cleaning the bathroom and all Miss’ shoes and boots (why does she need so many?!?)
I did get some let up in the evening (perhaps because there wasn’t much else to clean) and sat on the floor next to the sofa and we settled down to watch the TV.
This may seem a bit mad, encouraging Miss to keep my in chastity, but I commented the plastic pin that holds the CB-3000 could easily be removed with a small hacksaw, but they did do a steel pin for them now. Kirstin was delighted, not only that she could keep me more securely, but that I had volunteered the information. I got a pat on the head and she caressed my hair whist we watched the telly, telling me I was “good little boy.”
Of course I was hoping for a little more, but she did snuggle up to me in bed…until I tried to kiss her and she pushed me away with a slap. She didn’t actually say anything but she turned over and turned off the table light. I don’t think anything actually had to be said. Again I was running before I could walk.

Sunday
After making Miss breakfast in bed she told me to get started on a Sunday Roast. I love having a roast, it’s just all the preparation and cooking. As soon as everything was in the oven or on the stove she told me I could get dressed, but only to go out to clean and valet her car! I still had the collar locked around my neck but as Kirstin proved rightly no-one walking past seemed to notice or comment. When I was finished Miss ordered me to get in the bedroom. I wasn’t sure if it was for fun or for punishment. I had tried to kiss her the night before but in my defence I’ve been in the cock cage for two weeks AND cleaned pretty much the entire flat, her shoes and her car.
Miss got the handcuffs and chain from the draw and fitted them to the ring in the collar, again locking my wrists behind my back.
“You’re still ill,” she told me. “Cath and Tony are coming round for lunch, so I hope the roast I’ve gone to all the trouble to make is as delicious as it smells.”
“And after your naughty behaviour last night I might let them come in and see you all locked up.
To say I was terrified would not even cover it. Thankfully she was only teasing, and “our” guests left at about 6pm with my modesty intact.
The CB-3000 was removed and I was cleaned before being re-fitted and sent back to bed. Miss did remove the handcuffs before picking up her vibrator and left the room without another word. I could only lie there, totally worn out and imagine what she was doing in the lounge. I fell asleep before she got to bed.

Monday
I woke up with the flu, my nose was streaming, my eyes weeping and I could hardly sleep. To be fair to Miss K, she did make me a jug of orange squash before she went to work and brought home some tablets and soluable powder for me, although she refused to remove the collar saying it had no effect on my cold. Coughing up flem in a steel collar is very uncomfortable, but she checked on me every hour, stroking my brow and did make me a hot lemon drink whenever I asked both Monday and Tuesday. She can be the most tender and thoughtful person on the planet, and I know my “training” will only make our relationship stronger and bring us closer together. There’s an old English saying, “spare the rod, spoil the child.” Well I will not allow our love to be spoiled.

The Truth Will Out...

2006-01-13T11:09:00.000-08:00

It all hit the fan last night. Miss K came home to find me in my collar, naked, preparing dinner.
“Evening Tiny,” she said breezily as she sat down at the kitchen table.
“Good Evening, Miss” I replied.
As she watched me cooking she commented on my nice, tight little arse which made me blush (funny how even when your stark naked a comment like that can embarrass) and made me come over so she could check my device was securely in place. She gave it a good, painful tug and smiled saying, “No more accidents then?”

During dinner she told me she new I hadn’t really slipped out but had really tried to escape. I foolishly admitted it and she just sighed, looking at me and said, “You know what that means don’t you? The way things are going you’ll never get unlocked. Now fetch the spatula.”
I stood in front of her, with my legs slightly apart, she lifted my cock cage to give her access to my balls, being pushed up and out by the cuff of the CB3000 and gave me a really severe slap with it. I gasped but made sure not to let out a yelp of pain. Five more followed . equally as severe and I was glad it was over, thanking her for my punishment.
“Oh it’s not over yet Tiny,” she responded. “Lying to me and trying to escape deserves double punishment.” And another hard slap from the spatula fell on my poor, swollen balls. After the twelve strokes I thought my balls were on fire and had to hobble about like a cowboy.
“And you can forget about going to the gig tomorrow.”

We had tickets for a concert and had both been looking forward to it since before Christmas. To be honest I was totally gutted and could have kicked myself for being stupid.

As I washed up the dinner things she used her mobile to call her best mate, Catherine.
“Hi darling, I was wondering if you still wanted to go to the concert tomorrow.” I heard her say.
After a pause she said, “Oh poor little Paul isn’t very well…I know…yes…he was really looking forward to it to.”
She tapped me on the arm and pointed at a pile of washing as she walked out of the kitchen, still on the phone to Catherine. She pretty much ignored me for the rest of the evening, except for telling me to go to bed at 10.30pm…after again putting a sexy video on for her. She’s really getting into the swing of being a tease!
I only have myself to blame though. I know that and it just makes me more determine to start getting things right.

I had a good nights sleep – first this year so things are looking up on that front. The swelling in my testicles has gone down a bit, so it looks like Miss was right about getting used to it. I’ve just got to learn not to put a foot wrong!

Ever Decreasing Circles…

2006-01-12T11:33:00.000-08:00

We had a lovely “vanilla” night on Tuesday when our friends Kelly and Simon came round for a meal. At one point when Kirstin asked me to pour her some wine I answered “Yes Miss”, but luckily no one noticed. I was however nervous that Kirstin might at some point accidentally refer to me as Tiny which wouldn’t be quite so easy to disguise or explain but luckily I needn’ have worried.
We were both knackered after they had left, but before I could jump into bed Kirstin handed me my collar.
“Just in case you’d forgotten,” she said with a wink.
I have to admit, having spent the night as Paul I had, but dutifully fixed it round my neck.

Last night I got home early with a plan. I’d read on an excellent Yahoo group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cb-3000/ ) that some guys are able to escape the CB3000 and I thought I’d have a little experiment. There was no way I could pull it forward from the front with the Points Of Intrigue there but I tried to push my balls back through the cuff. With quite a bit of pressure my left testicle popped through and I was hit with some major pain between my legs. It felt as if my ball was going to explode and I had a deep, dull ache in the bottom of my stomach (any guy who’s ever been kicked in the balls will confirm this HURTS LIKE HELL!!!). I paused for a couple of minutes and started to try and push my right testicle through the cuff. The more I pushed the more it hurt and in dawned on me that there was no way it was going to pass through and join the other one…and even if it did how was I going to get it back on? At that moment I heard the front door and reaised Kirstin was home. Quickly glancing at the clock I realised I’d spent nearly an hour on my futile escape attempt. I jumped up, suddenly remembering the dull ache in my balls, pulling my boxers and trousers back on, and went into the lounge.

Kirstin glared at me and I panicked – how the hell did she know what I’d been up to?!? It turned out she didn’t, but there I was fully clothed minus my collar! She marched me back into the bedroom and ordered me to strip and then secured the collar around my neck.
“Wait here,” she said curtly and left the room, coming back in with the spatula from the kitchen.
“Please, not that again,” I pleaded, covering my crotch with my hands.
“Lie on the bed and take your hands away,” she ordered, before sitting on the bed.
“What the hell has gone on here?” she demanded, immediately noticing my left ball absent from the cuff.
“That’s what I was trying to tell you,” I lied, “It must have slipped out when I was at work.”
“Slipped out?” she asked raising an eyebrow. “Are you sure it didn’t have any help?”
“No, I was in the office and I felt it move.” I figured I had nothing to lose. Thank god she doesn't know about this blog!!!
“Well we best put you in a smaller cuff hadn’t we?” she replied.
She went over to the chest of drawers and got our handcuffs out of her knicker draw. She ran the lead from my collar down my back (and boy that steel is cold) and attached the handcuffs to the end. Ordering me to put my hands behind my back she snapped the cuffs into place before again leaving the bedroom.
She came back in with her purse, opened the small pocket at the back and brought out the keys to my padlocked CB3000. Sitting on the bed she reached out and unlocked me from my cage.
“Ergh, what a smell little willy!” she exclaimed, “Follow me.”
She took me into the bathroom and ran the basin full of water. Getting a sponge she lathered it up and then lathered it around my cock and balls. God it felt good – the first attention it had received since New Years Eve. Not surprisingly it sprang into life.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Kirstin asked looking up at me and staring me in the eye.
“I’m sorry, Miss. I can’t stop it.”
“Well I can,” she replied, pouring a glass of cold water and throwing over my growing cock. Another glass followed it and an erection was “thankfully” (sic) diverted.
She lathered up my cock again and got a disposable razor and shaved the base of my cock and my balls. Of course a cnother couple of glasses of cold water were needed, before Miss K dried me off. She gave the CB3000 parts a quick was, dried them off and lead me back into the bedroom.
She got the box with the spare CB parts out and got the next cuff size down out (the middle size). Pulling my cock and balls out from my body she used her other hand to fit in, snapping it shut. Poking my cock into the main part of the unitshe used her index finger to stuff my cock as far down into it’s cage as it would go. The POI and the main pin were added and the padlock snapped back into place. I was surprised how tight the cuff was on me, when you see the cuffs together they hardly look any different, but now my balls bulged out even more than they had before.
I was sent to make dinner whilst Miss K went for a bath. After dinner she suddenly remembered I hadn’t had my punishment so the spatula was brought out again and I received six stinging stroked to my poor, exposed balls. The rest of my evening was spent tiding the bathroom (“Especially all that water you’ve got all over the floor!”) and then a basket full of ironing, whilst Miss K settled in front of the TV with a bottle of wine.

I woke up in the night (nothing new there then) with an intense pain in my genitals. It felt like I was being pinched either side of my cock. I went to the loo and the pain seemed to subside, but after I’d been back in bed for a few minutes it returned. I looked over at Miss K sleeping and knew I couldn’t wake her. God she looks more beautiful the more I look at her. I couldn’t believe my luck in being able to lie next to such a sleeping beauty. I vowed to myself I wouldn’t let her down again, and do everything exactly as she told me.

I woken in the morning I was rather alarmed to see my balls had swollen up and the pinching feeling a actually starting to burn. I told Miss K and was meant with “Oh well, you’ll get use to it.” Charming!

I’ve always been a rather arrogant and proud person but I was now exploring a new side of me. I was no longer the male peacock preening and strutting. I was learning something about being more caring and thoughtful…no longer putting myself first, but rather this beautiful and divine woman.

Kirstin, I love you!

Tiny xx

"In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments. There are consequences." Robert Ingersoll

2006-01-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

I spent most of Monday on edge wondering what Kirstin’s punishment for me would be after acting like an idiot and breaking my promise on Sunday evening. I got more anxious after getting back and waiting for her to get home. When she did she immediately ordered me into the bedroom and told me to strip. I suddenly thought that maybe I had been unduly worried and things might actually be going in my favour. That is until she got a leather dog collar and chain lead out of her bag.
“I think it’s time you realised your position in this relationship, so I want you to be naked at all times when we are alone, apart from this collar and your cock cage, OK Tiny?” she said attaching the collar around my neck.
“Yes Miss,” I replied.
“I was very disappointed with you last night and I don’t want you to even think about asking for release again, I am in complete control of your sex life. Understood?”
“Yes Miss,” I repeated.
She told me to lie on the bed, left the bedroom and came back a moment later with a plastic spatula from the kitchen., which made somewhat puzzled and confused. Sitting on the bed she lifted the tip of my CB3000, and without any warning slapped my balls with it. A stinging pain swept through my balls and into my stomach.
“Ouch!” I cried out.
“Shut Up, you wimp. You’ve made your bed, now lie in it and take your punishment.”
Another five strokes landed on my exposed balls, pushed out and up by the cuff of the CB3000.
Once she had finished she told me I could forget about “getting any” for the rest of the week and then told me to start preparing dinner whilst she had a bath.

As I was just finishing making dinner she came in to the kitchen in her dressing gown and a towel rapped around her head (how do girls do that), looking goddamn gorgeous. She sat watching me for a moment before commenting on my “cute little butt”, and how she was going to enjoy seeing me naked around the house.

After dinner she instructed me to put a load of washing on and iron her blouse and skirt for work in the morning. Once finished I enetered the lounge and went to sit next to her on the sofa.
“Did I say you could sit down?” she asked. “From now on you will sit on the floor, I don’t want to see you on the furniture, is that clear, Tiny?”
She was really rubbing in it, and had started calling me by my pet name a lot more often.
“Yes Miss,” I agreed. I had a feeling I’d be saying that a lot more often from now on.
After watching the TV for a while she told me she was bored and told me to but a Porn Video on. Soon I was sat on the floor next to here watching a blonde woman being gang-banged by five well hung American guys.
“Oh, she’s a lucky bitch, isn’t she Tiny?” she asked, before adding “I wish I were in her place!”
I was told to go and fetch her vibrator, so I quickly went into the bedroom and retrieved in from the wardrobe. I’m sure I had a big grin on my face. I knew she couldn’t stay angry at me for long and she was clearly horny as hell. This was more like it!
I took in back into the lounge and handed it to her, but was a but surprised when she said, “You may go to bed now, you’re no longer required.”
To say I was dumbfounded would not cover it.

I lay in bed for half-an-hour being only able to imagine what she was getting up to. When she came to bed she didn’t say a word to me, simply putting her vibrator away, getting into bed and turning the table lamp off. It took me ages to get to sleep, not just through the frustration but because the collar was another thing I had to try sleeping with. I started to drift off a couple of times and then felt like I was being choked. And then at 5am I was woken by my cock arousing and getting stabbed by it’s POI. Nobody ever seems to mention how tiring chastity can be.

I made her breakfast in the morning, still naked apart from my collar and cage only being allowed to dress once she had left for work.
I know I deserve to be punished but it doesn’t make it any easier and I’m just going to have to bear it out. It isn’t easy but Kirstin is the most beautiful and sexy woman I’ve ever met. I know she’s worth it!

Weekend Washout!

2006-01-09T07:37:00.000-08:00

Well after my last post I feel a bit foolish to have to admit the weekend didn’t go quite how I expected (understatement of the year).

On Friday evening I kept singing "I can't wait for the weekend to begin". In hindsight that was pretty stupid. Miss K wanted to go out and let her hair down so dragged me to our local pub. I’ve stopped drinking in the evenings, not wanting to keep waking up during the night with the POI digging into me and having to make several trips to the loo. Miss didn’t seem too concern and was knocking back G’n’Ts like they were going out of fashion, whilst I limited myself to a couple of pints. I was the most sober person there and Miss started to really flirt with a couple of my mates, Chris and Jason, which didn’t impress me in the least. When we got home Miss K told me “You need to lighten-up…and if you think you’re getting any tonight you’ve got another thing coming.”

Predictably I had to make three trips to the loo during the night, being woken each time with the POI stabbing my shaft. As I told you in my last post I was planning a Champagne breakfast for Miss on Saturday morning and I’d bought and hidden a bottle of Champers to surprise Miss K. My expeditions to the toilet gave me a chance to retrieve the Champagne and put it in the fridge to chill.

In the morning everything was going well. Miss was still asleep so I prepared the Breakfast and brought it into her and woke her up. She loved it, announcing it was so wonderful and thoughtful. I knew I was back in her good books and was certain the weekend proper could now begin. However when we had finished breakfast, Miss got up out of bed.
“Oh, god, look at the time,” she said, “I’ll be late.”
“I thought we could spend the day in bed,” I said, almost pleading and imploring her.
“I promised I’d go out shopping with Catherine today. Sorry Darling.” She replied giving me a peck on the cheek before getting dressed.
As she left she turned to me and said “Thanks for a brilliant breakfast, Tiny. I’ll see you later.”

At about 6 that evening my mobile went and it was Miss K.
“Hi Tiny, Sorry, we got completely carried away shopping. I’ve got a really sexy new outfit, so we’re going to have a girly night out with Marie and Kelly. Don’t wait up!”
Before I had a chance to answer the phone went dead and I was dumbfounded.

Miss K got home at around 12.40am and I was already nodding off in bed. I pretened to be asleep because I was still pretty pissed off, but when she came into the bedroom I had a peek and could see what she meant about her “sexy outfit”. She looked good enough to eat. She got undressed, went into the bathroom for a minute and came back in and got into bed. And before you ask no she didn’t “wake me up”, she turned the light out and went to bed.

As you can imagine by Sunday evening I was getting increasingly frustrated. It was then that I made a big mistake. When I was locked in the CB3000 on NYE I’d promised to give Miss complete control over my sex life and NOT ask to be released. I ‘m sure you’ll understand how desperate I was getting and I broke that one promise.

Miss K was furious. “You promised you wouldn’t ask for release,” she responded furiously.
“I know, but it’s been 8 days now. I’m sorry but…”
She didn’t let me answer.
“I don’ ant to here any buts. You made a promise and now you’ve broken it. You can’t say goodbye to sex for another week at least. And I’ll sleep on what other punishment you deserve” she announced before turning over and turning the table lamp off.
So there I was, on Sunday evening, still locked-up, frustrated and lying there wondering what I had just done. I’ve spent all day kicking myself and vowing to do pretty much anything to win her round.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. PLEASE!

No Sleep … ‘Til Brooklyn?

2006-01-06T06:29:00.000-08:00

I woke up in the early hour of New Years Day in real pain. I’d started to get an erection in my sleep and those cruel Points Of Intrigue were really digging into my shaft. I woke Kirtsin but she was less than sympathetic.
“You drunk too much last night, just go to the loo,” she mumbled before turning over and going to sleep.
“Charming”, I thought as I hobbled to the toilet. I now have to sit down to pee or I’ll spray the whole bathroom and soon started to feel some relief as the swelling in my cock went down.
This has become a nightly event for me, always around 5.00am – Kirtsin joked that you could set your watch by me…and at least I still had one use!
We did discuss (well I more pleaded) removing the POI but Kirstin is adamant they should stay put, pointing out they guarantee the provide more security against me trying to escape, and taht I shouldn’t be having any erections without her say so anyway – even if I am asleep. So the POI stay for the time being. If you look at the picture you may not think they look much, but believe me they certainly do their job!

The other “New Years Resolution”, so to speak, is our new pet names for each other. Kirtsin decided that as she now “owned” me I should call her “Miss”, whilst she now calls me “Tiny” because my cock looks so “small and sweet” locked in it’s thick plastic shell.

So this week we’ve both one back to work. Miss has been working till quite late, trying to catch up after the Christmas Holidays, so once she’s got home and had her dinner she’s been far too tired to feel at all sexy. To be honest I haven’t felt too frustrated but maybe that’s because I know we’ve got the whole weekend of wild passion ahead of us – and I can’t wait.

Hope you all have as a great a weekend as we will!!!

Into The New Year...

2006-01-05T05:55:00.000-08:00

On Christmas morning Kirtsin and I unwrapped our presents in bed. I’d bought her a diamond necklace and matching ear rings, which she loved. She handed me my present with a smile. I unwrapped it to find a box with CB3000 printed on it, which puzzled me. When I opened it and unwapped the silver paper it became obvious what it was – some kind of male chastity device. To say I was surprised was an understatement, but it was also quite exciting, especially when Kirstin said “Once your in this I will own you.”
Anybody with any experience with this kind of device will confirm it is quite complicated to put together and we had a giggle working out how it was assembled…kind of like an erotic executive toy! We tried the various size collars that lock around the base of the cock and balls and decided on the second largest, which was quite a surprise as I wouldn’t describe myself as in any way “big”. The CB3000 came with small plastic circles with blunt spikes on called “points of intrigue”. I wasn’t too keen on these but Kirstin pointed out as they came with the CB3000 they were obviously meant to be used with it, and as the small plastic spikes weren’t very sharp it wouldn’t hurt. I wasn’t so sure. “Don’t be such a wimp,” Kirstin teased, so I agreed to wear them with it.
After 20 minutes we had the CB3000 assembled and in place. It wasn’t too uncomfortable, although my pubes got in the way and kept getting trapped in between the pieces of the unit, and Kirstin had a good giggle at my “little locked cock”, clearly visable through the plastic cage of the CB3000, shaped and curved like a skin for my penis.
“Let’s see how well it works,” Kirstin suggested and started to kiss me, caressing my chest and nipples before moving down to my thighs and balls. Almost immediately I started to feel horny and responded to her kisses. It didn’t take long to realise how cruel these “harmless, little” points of intrigue were as they started to painfully dig into my swelling cock.
Feeling horny and aroused and at the same time in pain and discomfort was a new turn of events and I was forced to beg,
“Please, no, stop,”
“Oh, OK, if that’s what you want, darling.” She said getting up from the bed and getting dressed.
I laid there for a minute or so, till my penis, and the pain, subsided.
I thought she would release me before went to my parents for Christmas Day, but she simply told me to keep it on.
The bulge in my trousers from the CB3000 looked really obvious to me, but Kirstin told me it didn’t show, and as I always where my shirts untucked I was happy nothing was noticeable.
That night Kirstin trimmed my pubes and told me to shave my cock and balls to prevent anything catching in the unit,
Now released after being locked up all day I was horny as hell and we had the most incredible session in between the sheets, ending with me lying on my back whilst Kirstin road me to an intense orgasm…if this was what chastity was like I was all in favour!!!

For the next couple of days I wore my cock cage and on the Friday evening we had another long and sensual session of passionate love making. To say I was hooked is an understatement!

On New Years eve we were invited to a house party, but as midnight loomed we snuck off to the toilet upstairs, and Kirstin fitted the CB3000 and points of intrigue on me. On he last strike of twelve I the padlock clicked into place as I heard everyone downstairs and in the street outside cheering in the New Year.“Now you really are all mine.” She told me